Want to get into some serous James Bond stuff? Turn your ticket-writing tool into a window-breaking, DNA-catching weapon. Don’t worry … everyone else is doing it!

Recently UZI released a tactical defender pen ($19.95), which takes your average writing utensil and transforms it into a something that could possibly save your life. What really sets this scribbling tool apart is that its crown doubles as a DNA collector. When an attacker is jabbed, not only does it hurt like hell, it inconspicuously picks up some DNA. That way, if he does get away, it won’t be for long.

Tactical pens are especially useful for those in the law enforcement field. Patrol officers generally love that they can use the same thing write some tickets and then seconds later kick some serious butt. Others in military and public safety can’t get enough of these pens perfect for unexpected hand-to-hand combat. (Note: These are mostly assumptions, so tell us if you really do or have used a tactical pen to defend yourself or others. We’re really, really curious.)

If you’re looking to spend a little more on a tactical pen, there’s a variety …

There’s ones that can break windows.

SureFire, $125

Others tout stainless steel, ergonomic benefits…

Benchmade, $153

And, of course, there’s a girlie version.

Schrade, $22.95

Todd over at The Apathy Ball ties the tac pen craze to a specific scene in The Bourne Identity, where Matt Damon’s character Jason Bourne really messes up the bad guy with the help of a hardcore desk pen. The pen doesn’t appear until the 1:23 mark, which makes it all the more suspenseful to watch. Pass the popcorn, please!

Todd gives us three reasons for tactical pen proliferation: 1. Easy to transport (on airplanes, bars, spaceships…). 2. Less scarier than a knife. 3. As he puts it so poignantly … “They’re extremely useful because you can write sh** with them.”

Want to see more action? Watch how kung fu master Johnny Tsai demonstrates how to break away from an attacker using what else but a tactical pen.

Are you convinced that tactical pens and tactical pants are soul mates? We are.